Purses...

I think they put drugs in the handles.
That is the only possible excuse for me having just bought a new purse yesterday and yet looking at purses even now.
Drugged handles.
'sgottabe.

Bafflement Chronicles: Part 1

A continuing series of things that baffle and bemuse me.


Footless Tights. 

Now, I sort of understand plain old leggings, and own a couple of pair (used for layering under clothes during winter or exercising in the home). But tights and even footless nylons? i.e. "Items one wears with skirts, but are not substantial enough to wear on their own."? These, I do not grasp the use of.
Most of them, especially the more popular "Spanx" ones (and the knock offs) are usually of the following description. They generally start at the waist with a fairly firm control top, and then become sheer about mid-thigh, then there's another non-sheer 'cuff' around mid-calf where they end. Nude colors, or they come in black and patterned black. That being the case:

1. So you can't wear them with a skirt, unless they are longer than the mid calf. Unless you wear them with boots that are over the mid calf. 
2. You can wear them with pants, but then what's the point of having them sheer or patterned?
3. and in either case... you end up having bare feet, so you either go bare footed or you have to wear socks anyway. Why not just have plain old footed tights?

The only thing I can think they're really useful for is the "below mid thigh skirt with above the mid calf boots" look, and how often does one wear that, and then still, why not full-lenth tights so that you don't' have to wear socks too? 
A friend informs that they are sometimes used for roller derby, but surely that does not explain how they have become so very endemic in the stores (to the point that at some places, I can't find regular hose, just these footless things).

Seriously LB? Seriously?!

So, I'm flicking through sites doing some shopping, and since I have a $20 off coupon for Lane Bryant, I figure I'll wander on over to their site. Click on New Items, see what is to be seen.
Jebus forking cripes.
Who the hell designs these clothes? Who? All I can tell for sure about them is that, clearly, they hate fat women with a passion. Possibly all women.
The evidence:

Knickers. It's a pair of goddamn knickers.
Seriously. For fall. WTF?
High waisted, straps on the hems, knickers.
But that's not all, oh no. No no no.

 

Jodhpur. Leggings.
Yes, you can get the ruffly shirt too.
Because nothing looks better on a fat chick than high waisted, super tight, skin color leggings?
With inner thigh pads?
Smell the hatred, ladies.
Tally effing ho!

In case the horsey life isn't for you, you can always decide that you have just been waiting for the Stevie Nicks look alike contest.
Or, you know, you had a table runner you decided to throw around your waist when someone was knocking at the door and caught you pantsless.
I would love to see this baby in a house full of cats.

This is a vest that would flatter no one. Not even a really small woman. It's.. shapeless and covers too much and has no real shape. What shape it might have is masked by the plaid pattern. It's just. Ugh. Ugh.

Whaaaaaa? When did we go from white privilege horsie/hippie tweedy awful to.. to this?
Shapeless polyester disco queen. With a belt around what will be on most wearers the widest part of the body.
And I don't even wanna think of the view you'll get into those arms when you raise your hands.
This is just.. just.. gah.

I hate this with the fire of a thousand burning suns.
Muddy horrid ugly mess with absolutely nothing going for it.
Why? Why? WHY!?!??!?!